The
next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have
some bad news. The donkey died.'
Thomas
replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.' The
farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Thomas
said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The
farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Thomas
said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said,
'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Thomas said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't
tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Thomas and asked,
'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Thomas
said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two
pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The
farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Thomas said,
'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds
back !'
Thomas
then went to work for Barclays.
Here
this tale would have ended... but it didn't...
A year later, Thomas (now working for HBOS
/ Halifax Bank Of Scotland), comes running
into the farmer's yard, out of breath and
looking frightened.
"You
must help me hide!" cries Thomas.
The
farmer asks, "Why? What's wrong?"
|
|
Thomas
explained, "I went all over the village, hiring
people to sell raffle tickets for the same dead donkey,
and then those people hired other people to go to
other villages and sell raffle tickets for the same
dead donkey, and now there are thousands of raffles
taking place all over the kingdom. Millions of people
and pension funds bought my raffle tickets, but the
donkey started to stink and everybody found out it
was dead, so now they want their raffle ticket money
back!"The farmer suggested, "Just pay back
the money, Thomas."
"I
can't!" Thomas moaned. "I spent it all on
bonuses for my raffle salespeople, and private jets,
and huge mansions, and an opulent lifestyle to which
we, in the raffle ticket business, have become accustomed.
Not only that, I borrowed against my raffle ticket
earnings 35 fold, so now I OWE 35 TIMES the money
I actually earned!"
The
farmer thought a moment, then smiled. "Don't
worry, Thomas. I know what to do."
Thomas
asked, "What can possibly be done?"
The
farmer answered, "Your raffle operation is the
biggest business in all the land. It's too big to
fail. The King will bail you out, for the good of
all his loyal subjects."
And
with that, Thomas beseeched the King for billions
of pounds to create the R.T.R.P. (Raffle Ticket Relief
Program) to buy back all the worthless raffle tickets.
Everybody
thought that would be the end of it, but it turns
out the King didn't have enough money to bail out
the Raffle ticket holders, so he issued official "Raffle
Bonds" to borrow money from other lands.
Everybody
thought THAT would be the end of it, except when the
rulers of other lands figured out their lent money
was being spent on dead donkey raffle tickets, they
stopped lending it. So the King decided to just print
the money to buy back the dead donkey raffle tickets.
Everybody
thought THAT would be the end of it, until it turns
out that printing money causes each individual pound
to be worth much less, so prices for goods and services
rose enormously throughout the kingdom. The King decided
to issue a new paper currency denominated at 1/10th
the face value of the old pounds, and forced everyone
to exchange their old money for new money so prices
would come down to normal again.
Everybody
thought THAT would be the end of it, until the same
thing happened with the new currency, so the people
rose up and toppled the King with torches and pitchforks,
and installed a new ruling government with a new currency
backed by gold.
And
THEN they all lived happily ever after.
The
End.
